in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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