We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
