I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
