Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
