just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
