we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize