Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
