My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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