I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize