You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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