My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
It was confusing and full of hummus
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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