I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I am midnight drunk by noon
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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