I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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