You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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