I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
