i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize