what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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