So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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