I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
