You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
