Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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