sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
