I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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