I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
