if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
My vagina is officially offended.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
