Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
