Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
