The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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