sarcasm needs its own font
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
