and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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