i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
