great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
