im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
