using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
