I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
