Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
