I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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