Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
