cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Randomize