The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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