I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
