it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
