Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
