i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
