Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
