I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
