Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
