i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
