I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize