brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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