How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
