I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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