New low: just hacked my moms facebook
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
