at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
