He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
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