Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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