apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
