maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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