shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
