JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
