What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
