Non-Jews are for practice
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
