Kareoke will never be a sober sport
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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