i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
