Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
So vagazzling was a success
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize