Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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