she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Randomize
