I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
