She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
