its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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